Not BB ii

Reviews

The Spurnuda Triangle. By Eric Von Dunnocken. Suspense Publications, Hull, 137 pages, 2 colour plates, 17 line drawings, £16.95.
Eric Von Dunnocken is at it again. In this riveting work he describes a remote area in Yorkshire where rarities mysteriously disappear, without trace, only to reappear miraculously in hedgerows many miles away. Von Dunnocken believes the earth's "lay-lines" run through the triangle, and wreak strange effects on all life that occurs there.

A recluse, who lives in a shack amongst the wild, windswept dunes, seems somehow involved. Von Dunnocken's investigations have revealed that this man is often the last person near a rare bird before it vanishes, and that he leads ceremonies based on ancient pagan rites, including the casting of birds into the air in the dead of night, and the worship of an owl by a small, clannish sect.

Large Jock Raps the Shorebirds
You've done the Funky Chicken; now get down to the Sanderling Strut. An album guaranteed to make your body pop as the pulsing rhythms pound. This is pure music of the streets and sewage farms.

An innovative album, especially on the heavy funk track "Jack Snipe Your Body". Even Large Jock's powerful whistling appears muted by comparison to the raucous renderings of guest artists Goldie Plover and Tina Turnstone on the extended disco remix of "Gonna get up the tundra and find me a chick", much criticised for its apparent support of paedophilia and banned by the BBC.

Prince should take note - the big people are a-coming up on the dance scene; maybe his bodyguard will produce an up-tempo version of his sound guide to the Empidonax flycatchers.

Guide to the Birders. By Hugh Town. Lister and Son, 1987, 227 pages, many colour illustrations - some reades may find these offensive.
These, days, birdwatching is not just a matter of watching birds. If you want to get ahead, be one of the boys, you need to know your birders. This essential new guide tell you how to identify all Britain's top birders (why aren't we in it? Eds.). Range maps and likely months of occurrence are included for each, together with details of distinctive mannerisms, deformities and feeding habits.

There are unfortuanate errors - the picture captioned "moulting Francis at Hartlepool" is in fact a 53rd summer Bland, as evidenced by the exposed tertials and odd-coloured feet. However, this book is worth buying for the photographs alone. You will never again be the only one not to recognise Jon Rohns at a major twitch.

Domesday Book. By John Goodegg. Caxton Press, 1066. 366 pages, many illuminated.
Subtitled "Where to Have Gone Birding", this handy guide covers the major birding sites during the Middle Ages, when Red-backed Shrikes hunted Corncrakes on every village green. This updated version has been revised to take account of the dissolution of the monasteries and the recent practice of sheep-shearing, which have created interesting new habitats in the south of England. Especially noteworthy is the appearance of a bird called the Stone-Curlew, or Wailing Heath-Chicken, which has not previously been known to breed in this country.

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Exotic Book Service from Bird Aids Ltd

Although most would strenuously deny it, many birders feel the perfectly natural urge from time to time to consult a field guide. However, even in these liberal minded times few birders are able to openly confess that they need a field guide; the social stigma is still tremendous.

Fortunately, we are able to supply a wide range of field guides, showing - in full colour and in a variety of poses - birds from many parts of the world. Guides are supplied complete with covers disguising them as car repair manuals, road maps or Reader's Digest gardening guides.

Order with confidence. All books are despatched in a plain brown envelope within two working days. Your mum will just think it's another load of Swedish pornographic magazines.

DUDING

Yes! Two of Britain's best-loved dudes, Robert McDougall and Toney Ropey, have collaborated to bring you a brand-new magazine - Duding.

Join NOW and get a free copy of Frontiers of Misidentification.

Each month's issue will bring you: The latest spottings from our correspondent in Wimbledon. DIM Witted's Self-indulgence Spot - paintings of birds you will never see once in a million Sundays.

PLUS!: Green welly tests. What to put in the hamper. Should you leave your telescope at home in case it gets dirty? Is it safe to do it more than once a week? - our doctor advises. What to do if your life list gets bigger than 100.

I'd cancel my subscription for a start, Eds.

Katuschka Tours

New destinations, starting this year - Fiji, Nicaragua, Sri Lanka and South Korea.

8-day seawatch on the Persian Gulf Cruise - starting in Kuwait, the cruise in our recently re-registered boat finishes at the Straits of Hormuz. Anything could turn up! Who knows what you might see flying towards you or floating in the water.

China - 15-day spring tour. Youve seen films of places like Kenya, with its huge herds of Wildebeest and vaast flocks of Flamingos. Well we offer a contrast, this is nothing like Kenya. The tour takes you through vast track of country which once teemed with wildlife and where it is virtually impossible to find any birds. The first morning will be spent in Beijing, listening to the dawn chorus, only to find all the birds are caged.

Lebanon - 1-day autumn tour. For the adventurous with a touch of the gung-ho. We stay in the Peace and Love Hotel in strife-torn Beirut. From the rooftop, you will be able to dodge snipers' bullets whilst joining the youth of the country in their second favourite past-time - blowing away most of Europe's storks and eagles as they migrate overhead. Even more fun than Space Invaders. Previous tour members have been so captivated that they have spent the rest of their lives there.

Pacific Test Sites - 3-hour tour. See the shattered remains of beautiful, Pacific atolls. A novel feature of this trip is the chance to watch evolution in action, as animals (and maybe one or two tour members) mutate before your eyes. You'll be glowing with satisfaction. Don't forget to pack your Geiger counter!

Japanese Rainforest Bonanza - 5-month spring tour. Rainforests in Japan? Yes indeed. Or almost. The tour starts at a quayside, where we'll see tons and tons of hardwood being unloaded. Then, we watch houses being built from the wood: they''ll soon fall down, but who cares? - no one wants an old one anyway.
Each night, we will eat at the finest restaurants in Kyoto, while our guest lecturer relates something of the wildlife which was killed in providing our disposable chopsticks. We hope to include a trip to see whales being landed, and may be lucky enough to witness a spot of dolphin bashing.

Katuschka Tours will make your knuckles whiter

Wheat-O-Clear!

Do you suffer from dipper's headache (dymsomania)? Now you need never worry again. Just take two soluble Black-eared Wheatears a day, and all your troutles will vanish.

New Wheat-O-Clear has been specially formulated for solubility. It's true - just leave one overnight in a Hampshire rainstorm, and it has completely disappeared by morning.